


As Long as You're Here, I Will Live Like This

by Rattso420



Category: Workaholics (TV)
Genre: Anders is just confused, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, like two slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-20 06:16:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15527943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rattso420/pseuds/Rattso420
Summary: Ders is pretty sure he's woke and totally cool with gay people until Blake brings a guy home way too casually for Anders's liking, and he can't figure out why it bugs him so badly.





	As Long as You're Here, I Will Live Like This

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever! My best friend finally getting into Workaholics prompted this, and I sincerely apologize cause now the beast has been unleashed. (The beast being how much I care abt this stupid show lol)

Anders could pinpoint the moment it happened, more or less. Give or take a few sloppy handjobs in college with other swim team members, nothing really mattered until Blake walked into the door of the house, casually, with a guest in tow. But this wasn’t any ordinary guest, no 5/10 girl who had been fed lies for a few hours at a bar who would leave in thirty minutes after no more than over the shirt action. This one was... a guy. Tall, blonde, freckled, and holding Blakes hand as Blake said a hasty hello to Adam and Ders before ducking into his bedroom. The lock jiggled for a second before clicking into place, as Ders and Adam exchanged glances on the living room couch.

“Blake brought a friend over to play video games? Why didn’t he just ask us, I’ve got nothing to do tonight!” Adam exclaimed, with more than a twinge of hurt in his voice.

“I don’t know, but you should make sure to ask him all about it tomorrow” Ders said, a withering tone edging into his statement as he finished his beer and retired to his bedroom.

The clock read 1:07 as Anders tried to muffle the noise through wall with a throw pillow pressed to his right ear, and his left ear pressed against the mattress. Just when he thought the moaning and dull thuds of Blake’s twin bed hitting the wall couldn’t get worse, he distinctly heard the guy calling Blake daddy. Now that crossed the line from uncomfortable to unbearable, Ders thought as he gathered his pillow and blanket and went to camp out in the car. 

Morning arrived with Adam knocking on the window of the Vo as Ders opened his eyes and stretched his legs in the reclined front seat. “OKAY, fuck, give me a second” Anders said, scrambling to sit up and roll down the front window. After a few rotations of the crank window, it was far enough down for him to stick his head out. “Ders, it’s Saturday morning, and you’re not stoned on the couch watching cartoons with us. We were worried sick looking everywhere for you! You can’t run off on us like that again!” Adam said sternly, as if he didn’t hear the words coming out of his own mouth, Ders thought. Yawning and blearily blinking away sleep, Ders got out of the vo and followed Adam back into the house, where Blake was lighting a bowl on the couch and watching Cartoon Network like nothing had even happened last night. And Anders was going to be the last person to let that happen, if Adam hadn’t innocuously beat him to it. 

“So Blake, why didn’t you introduce us to your new friend last night? What video games did you play?” Adam asked as he grabbed the bong from Blake. 

“Oh, he wasn’t really a friend, just someone from a bar, you know how that goes” Blake answered, after taking a pause to exhale smoke. 

No, I don’t know anything about bringing home random guys, Anders wanted to say, but he kept his mouth shut as Adam passed the bong to him.

“Wait, so not a video game friend? Are you telling me this was a... boning friend?” Adam said, incredulously, a realization flickering in his eyes. 

“Yep,” Blake responded, not taking his eyes off the tv. 

That was the final straw for Anders. Eight hours ago, Blake is being called daddy by some random guy from a bar and now he’s just watching cartoons like nothing ever happened? It was quite frankly disgusting in Ders’s eyes, even though he couldn’t figure out why he thought so.

“OH, so we just bring home RANDOM guys from the bar into THE HOUSE I PAY RENT IN, just so you can be called DADDY BY SOME PILLOW BITER?” Anders forced the last part out, knowing he was just looking for a reaction but he couldn’t stop and his mind was like a train barreling down a hill and maybe he was just feeling jumpy from the bong hit he just took or also maybe not. 

“Dude that’s like, kinda harsh” Adam said, side-eyeing Ders and then looking at his other best-room-friend-mate. 

“Whatever, fuck you dude. I thought you were like, cool, and woke, or whatever, but actually it turns out you’re a massive dick, and I’m gonna be in my room, and also I’m taking the bong” Blake mumbled as Adam watched helplessly as the bong was currently leaving the living room, and after shooting a pointed glare towards Anders, followed Blake down the hallway. Now Anders was stuck alone, not even high, and watching fucking children’s shows by himself on the couch. Fan-fucking-tastic. And for the record, he was woke. Like, so woke. Like, actually paid for and downloaded Flower Boy by Tyler the Creator kind of woke. So he really didn’t know why he basically did everything but stop short of calling Blake a faggot, when he really never thought he was bothered by this kinda stuff, unless he was turning into his father, which was even scarier. He didn’t want to think about it anymore, so he fell asleep on the couch into something deep and dreamless and kind of upsetting. 

Anders woke up a few hours later feeling groggy and disoriented, and as he stumbled towards the bathroom he paused in front of Blake’s partially opened door when he heard Adam and Blake having a for-serious-deep-as-shit conversation.

“You know, I basically just assumed that you guys knew which was maybe stupid of me but also I thought theater major was a total clue.” Blake said, as Anders strained to hear the conversation from behind the door.

“No man, you’re not stupid, if anything we’re the stupid ones for not realizing the context clues. And just so you know, I support you, and I will watch Brokeback Mountain so I can further understand you and your people.” Adam sounded so sincere, and that’s what kinda broke Anders’s heart. Why was he being such a dick to one of his best friends when everyone else could continue being super chill? What was wrong with him specifically? He decided to think it over with a shower beer, or five, and turned around to grab a six pack off of the kitchen floor and headed off to the bathroom. 

He was on his third shower beer, and was crying softly on the floor, sitting directly under the tepid water stream, and he wasn’t even drunk enough or at all to justify crying in the shower, but it just felt right to be miserable cause he was the worst person in the whole world and maybe should die, and drowning in the shower would be pretty cool, right? Until there was a knock on the door, and he had to stifle an ugly sob that was about to escape as he heard the door open a crack. 

“Hey, it’s Adam, just letting you know you’ve been hogging the bathroom and also you’re a terrible roommate and friend. But if you want to be less terrible I’d recommend getting out of the shower and apologizing to Blake, like after you put your clothes on” Adam said through the sliver of open door. After Anders didn’t answer for a few seconds, Adam added “just a suggestion though” and closed the door softly. 

Anders knew what he had to do, cause he realized he wasn’t really sure if drowning in the shower was a real thing that could happen. After getting dressed, toweling his hair off, and rescuing the remaining beers from the shower, Ders flashed himself a big smile in the mirror, but it felt insincere. He turned off the bathroom light and padded down the hallway to Blake’s closed door, and knocked three times, until he heard a muffled “Go Away”, so naturally, he opened the door. 

“I’m trying to apologize” he said to the lump swaddled up in a blanket in the middle of the bed, facedown.

“And I’m trying to feel sorry for myself, so try again later” Blake responded, muted against the mattress. 

“Maybe you can multi-task and feel sorry for yourself while I apologize,” Ders said, wincing a bit at how he still sounded like a dick even when he was trying his best. Blake didn’t respond, and Anders didnt blame him, really. He felt awkward hovering near the bed so he closed the door behind him and leaned against it. He took a deep breath, and then began. “I don’t know why I reacted the way I did, but it was completely out of line and I don’t know why I’m such an asshole, and you have the right to be fucking whoever you want in this house cause you also pay rent, and whoever you’re fucking can call you whatever they want and it’s none of my business,” Ders said in that one breath, and slumped further against the door, winded from his apology and out of it emotionally.

“Thanks for being a basically decent person, I guess” Blake replied, peeking just the top of his head out of his blanket. 

“Of course, it’s the least I can do for a friend,” Ders avoided making eye contact with his friend, instead focusing hard on the ashtray on the nightstand. 

Blake pulled himself up into a half seated position in his bed, and picked at the fraying edge of the blanket. “Would you like to sit?” Blake offered Ders a spot on the bed as he scooted into the corner, like a peace offering that Ders didn’t feel like he deserved but accepted anyway, cause it was the least he could do for a friend. Blake reached over to the nightstand and pulled open the drawer, took out out a tin Star Wars lunchbox and offered Ders a prerolled blunt out of the box. Ders took the peace offering, and after a couple of hits shared in silence, was feeling pleasantly lightheaded and almost amicable. This was when Blake was in his element, eyes half closed and in his own world. At that moment, Anders didn’t care about missed rent checks and driving him everywhere and basically parenting him, cause this was... a good he couldn’t put in words, a good he felt. 

“I thought you like, knew already” Blake said in a frustratingly neutral tone when Anders just wanted something clear that he could understand, but here was Blake, being Blake at an inconvenient time. 

“Why, because you were in theater? Well, I was on swim team so really, just join the homoerotic activities club.” Anders deadpanned, but the goofy look on his face hopefully made Blake realize he was joking. 

“Oh come on, there’s no way swim team was nearly as gay as theater,” Blake said, smirking slightly while stubbing out the roach the blunt had burned down into in the ashtray. 

“Handjobs in the showers,” Anders said. 

“Blowjobs in the prop room,” Blake retorted. 

Ders was relaxed at this point, having a genuine conversation and Blake’s knee was bumped up against his, and suddenly he was thinking about blowjobs in the prop room and suddenly more specifically Blake, on his knees in the prop room, moaning and drooling on someone’s cock, and he cut his thought off there while he was thinking about Blake sucking HIS dick, which was kind of weird to think about but maybe not when you find out that your best friend does suck dick.

“You good buddy?” Blake said jokingly after a minute of radio silence from his friend, putting one hand on Ders’s knee and Ders knows he’ll either jump or get really hard, really fast, but he’s too stoned to care and maybe he doesn’t mind if Blake sees him hard, not after that mental image. Anders replied with a quick nod, and Blake slipped back into the usual teasing that he and his friends always did, convinced that he wouldn’t let this weird mess of a day change anything.

“So how many handies did you get in the showers, Ders?” Blake asked with a smirk, and Anders could barely croak out “Not enough” before he’s moving in slo-motion towards Blake, towards his mouth and his neck and he wants to take off his shirt and he realized all day he doesn’t hate that Blake had sex with a guy, he was just upset that guy wasn’t him. If Blake was surprised for a couple seconds, he really didn’t show it, because in his typical Blake fashion he was just going with the flow. Even if the flow was making out with his best-room-friend-mate. It was kind of more surprising that this had never happened before, Blake thought as Anders bit his neck and it wasn’t terrible, it was actually kind of nice. And who would’ve thought that he would’ve been Anders Holmvik’s gay-fucking-awakening? Now that was something to be proud of. When they finally pulled away from each other, Anders felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest, but strangely he didn’t feel any regret, just exhilaration. 

“You know, you could’ve just told me you wanted to bone, you dumb bitch,” Blake laughed, his eyes widening in faux concern, as if Anders being dumb was something unexpected and new to him.

“Yeah, well, if only I had known it myself, it would’ve saved me some pain and time spent having a breakdown in the shower,” Anders said as sincerely as he could without bursting out laughing himself, cause shit, this was all so fucking weird and new and he didn’t want to fuck this up. And now he finally knew what he needed, and that was Blake, and that felt really, really more than OK.


End file.
